How do you deal with the death of a parent eevn when you are middle-aged and the parent was elderly?
Especially if one is never married without children, you were close to the parent, and the parent was the same sex as you?
The other parent (to whom the deceased parent was married) is still alive and is also grieving.
Tagged with: deceased parent
Filed under: Presbyopia
I lost my mother two yrs ago,, i am 44, have had no children,, she was 76, it was sudden,, stroke… I highly suggest u utilize hospice program in your area,, I went to a 6 week greiving program at the hospice facility in my area,, my siblings did not and they are still dealing with guilt and depression from,, i am not,, it really helps,,, i promise
Time heals all : ) have faith in God and he will help you, you are not alone.
In my case, I focused on my living parent. Spending time with them and helping them get through their grief also helped me. I know it’s cliche, but time is the great healer. It really does get easier as time goes on.
Find a hobby and build up a relationship with the non-deceased parent. Think positive: gone to a better place.
i don’t know….time and faith in God, that is what i fear most(losing my only living parent)….i lost my mother when i was 18, and i’m scared to death that i’ll lose my father (i’ve come close to losing him 4-5 times)
the very same way when you are middle aged and one of your parents die at a very young age.my mother died when i was only 6 months old.she was 23 and i have passed that age,it is strange to think that i am older than my own mother.yes,i have struggled with her loss,about how i would have been if i had had her in my life,grief comes in many colors and sizes,its how you deal with their parting that matters,in honor because, i am her daughter, do i live.
There’s no easy answer to your question. I lost my mother just last year and it hurts. It will always hurt. But, it would have hurt no less had she lived for another 10, 15, 20 years. Sooner or later we have to say our final goodbye. I just have to be thankful for the time we had together. And, to put it in perspective, my niece lost her father when she was just 3 yrs. old. So, in that respect, I was lucky to have so many years with my parent. My condolences to you. I never had any children either, and, in many respects, I’m glad.
my mother is dieing,she’s 82 has dementia,parkinsonism,and sever edema.she’s on morphine,i’ve told the hospice to please treat her pain.i want her to be comfortable.now i know,we existed before we came to be in this "meat-suit"and we will have our eyes opened when were no longer limited by our physical body and physical brain.they are the lucky ones their fixing to get all their questions answered.we’re the ones who will still be in the dark.and don’t worry about her soul,i can’t imagine a G_D who would place us in a world with so many conflicting philosophies about G_D’s nature and will,to cast us into a fire if we guessed wrong.
At first, it is rough on everyone in the family, to lose an aging
parent. You have to get into the mindset that the deceased parent
is no longer in pain and with other deceased relatives and friends.
You have to realize that they had a wonderful life and are no longer suffering. Lend support to the surving parent and get them
involved and kept busy. On holidays, take them out and go some
place different then when the other person was alive. Later when
they are ready , see if you can get them to join a senior group or
club or take up hobbies or sports. There usually are support groups that can help those out of a rut or to just let them talk to
someone else in the same boat. Life does continue, as it should.
First of all let me say how very sorry I am for your loss. I now how painful it is, becasue I lost my sister 6 months ago. It is important to be there for each other. Listen, and try and comfort each other on the really hard days (which have been a lot). Everybody grieves in their own way, in their own time. Each person effected handles it differently, and usually when I am having a bad day dealing, the thing that helps me is if someone just holds me, or is there with me. Time will not fill the void, or heal the hole that is left. That will be forever, but you can find ways to remember your loved one, and think about all the wonderful memories you shared. I am blessed with the faith of believing with all my heart that I will see my sister again in heaven, and that we will be reuinited. I hope that you have some good family support, and faith in something that gives you comfort. God be with you & your family…this website helps me!
My father died 5 years ago & there are days that I miss him terribly. He had emphysema & congestive heart failure. However, I am grateful that I had him till I was 40.
Try to focus on the positive sides of the relationship of your deceased parent. There are days when you willnot feel like going on -that is normal today, nest month, nest year, in 5-5- years from now. ou are going through the cycle of grieving. Each time you revisit the greif, you do not stay in it as long. You are moving on with you life. This is normal also.
Grieving a parent that is dead, is in a way of hnoring them.
Ihad "the talk" with my Dad-I told him that i was selfish & I hoped that he could live another year. However, I told him that when he was so tired of the struggle & could no longer go on in this life, it was okay with me if hedecided to go. Little did I realize that he would die 2 weeks later!
I loved my father well & nursed through the last 6 years of his life. I gave up my activities because I wanted to care for him That was entirely my choice, & I feel that it was the wisest decision Imade. He & I were alwaysvery close. I made more good memories of Dad while caring for him. Yes he did take advantage at times, but I would enforce boundaries & clearly stated those boundaries. I have no regrets. I told Dad how proud I was of the man e had become. I knew the essence of his faith & I tried to help him comfort him.
When your favorate parent dies, it is very hard.
No, I don’t have any chidren & have never been married. Should I ever marry, I know that Dad will be with me, in that unknown church.
That cliche’ about time is correct. For 21 months, I counted the weeks from the time that Dad died. He died April21, 2001. In Januray 2004, I was talking about Dad & realized that it was the 1st time I didn’t have the pain when I told someone he had died.
A good way of keepin is memory alive is by keeping a journal, talking about all the wondeful times you bot shared. You could also write a love letter to our parent- just never send it. I sent love letters to my grandfather, grandmother,uncle, & aunt before they died. I talked aboutloving them so much, howhonored I was to be able to know them as an adult, how much I loved them.
I have the unique perspective of having died twice & coming back, so it is easier for me not to get wrapped up in thigs here on earth, The most important lesson learned is that you can never tell someone enough times that they are loved.
Good luck. I am sad that you are grieving. HOwever, you will get through this to help someon else.